Smelling in the Spirit

Mbaker sent me an email today with a link I thought must have originated from someplace like TomInTheBox or Lark News. Alas, it appears to be all too real.

[If you click on "link" above, scroll about half-way down the page until you see side-by-side pictures of Kathie Walters and Bob Jones.]

The Chicago Prophetic Voice (endorsed by Steve Schultz, so you know this is legit… right?) has posted on their “Glory Teaching Tools” page a list of aromas that Kathie Walters and Bob Jones were told by God have spiritual significance. A few of my favorites:

Ants = new trails

Ants have a smell? I guess I’ve never brought my shnoz that close to one before.

Buckwheat – little rascals (term of endearment – childlike. Having fun

It’s funny how the divinely assigned spiritual significance of a smell would be directly related to a character from a 1950s children’s television show. God works in mysterious ways, I guess.

Burning – (good) fire of God
Burning -(bad) enemy leading to wrong direction

Hmm… I wonder how we are to know the difference? Perhaps, they are one in the same? (I can’t help but think of Todd Bentley calling down the “fire of God” on his devotees. Enemy leading in the wrong direction?)

Cat pee – wrong plan or lasciviousness

This must be from God. I don’t know how else one could associate the smell of feline urine with sexual desire.

Cigarette smoke – deliverance from addiction

Deliverance from addiction?

Coconut = Good teaching milk and meat

I’m definitely not smelling coconut right now.

Dog pee = territorial spirit

Are we sure this isn’t from TomInTheBox?

Dog ( wet) homosexual spirit

So… does the smell of dog signify a wet homosexual spirit, or does the smell of a wet dog signify a homosexual spirit? I hope we can get some clarification here, because I’ve heard wet spirits (homo or hetero) are pretty nasty.

Gold -taste Heavenly

What does gold smell like? What does Heaven taste like?

Hair spray – trying to keep reputation, let go

I have to tell you, that Aqua Net is doing nothing for your reputation.

Meat rotting – word/truth distorted
Metal taste – discernment

Right now, I feel like I’m sucking on a penny with roadkill in my lap.

Nursing home smell – move on

Sorry old folks, but you’re really just using up our time and resources at this stage of your so-called life. It’s time to move on. And yes, move on is a euphemism for die.

Oriental spices – Caution – eastern, false light

Is that why my Spidey-senses tingle all over whenever I drive by that local Thai restaurant?

Pee – renew a right spirit

Oh, I hope not… As much as I need my spirit renewed, I’d rather not smell like pee.

Poop – human mystic – false prophesy

Yeah, this list is full of it.

Toast -getting slammed by God

Is this a reference to being drunk in the spirit? Slammed, toasted, smashed, hammered…?

Wet dog – homosexual spirit

Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.

(I knew there was something queer about that dripping dachshund.)

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If only for myself, I need to reiterate: THIS IS REAL! There are professing Christians out there who take this seriously!

God help us.